Concerns

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Go on

"He said I'm going to buy this place and burn it down
I'm going to put it six feet underground
He said I'm going to buy this place and watch it fall
Stand here beside me baby in the crumbling walls"


In a wet season like this he's alone...Nobody would face this cold weather.Everybody else were home, laughing, spending quality time with family.The rain was covering him, creating some kind of shell, a protection from the world in wich he feels like an outsider.The thunders symphony may be the only song that he may understand now, any other looking foolish.He had enough, and wants to end it quickly, before having any doubts, but he's standing for a few hours with death facing him, and doesn't have the guts to jump.Home plan went all wrong, and tries to remember her, starts to think about other dissapointments.Dante takes one step forward.His right foot is over the entire city, but his left one still doesn't want to go away.Its indecision retreat his brother, and a new wave of thoughts came.Why should he do this, is it worth it?Is it the world a place where he cannot smile anymore, or to smile requires hard work, and everybody knows Dante forgot to fight.Sure, he heard a story at the tv where everything you want, you can do, but he is very sure those people are hired to say what we want to hear, we need to be calmed down, but He is aware they all lie.He hate that damn reporter, how can he speak about being calm and going forward, if he never were in a situation like that.He remebers again about the things that initialy drove him on the tallest building around.He's walking to his end.


"All the movements you're starting to make
See me crumble and fall on my face
And I know the mistakes that I made
See it all disappear without a trace"


Before he took that jump, he wanted to take a one last view at the world wich he was about to left behind.The raindrops still washed his forehead, they were the only ones who stood by him even in this dark day.Flashes from the sky wanted to immortalise the tragic show.He smiles looking up, his old enemy finally got him on his knees.One step, and all this pain would dissapear, one step and all that mocking, all those time being cheated were about to end.


"Some'll laugh and some just sit and cry
But you just sit down there and you wonder why"


They say few moments before death we saw our entire life in front of our eyes, but even in this damn moments all he could see was her smiling in a wrong direction, hearing her throwing easy words all over, making no sense, but hurting like hell.She was just a simple mortal, with narrow mind, and now he felt unnaturally better.In that moment something clicked in his mind....He realised that giving up would be a huge mistake, throwing the towel would please only one corner, and he wasn't in that corner.She was such a small thing to bother him.He started to laugh hysterically..."How could i be so blind, how could i let her drive me insane, I felt once the dust, i don't need to do this again.My mind can take more and more, but i shouldn't stop going on with my search, because all I want may be in front on me, I just need to open the doors easily"

The rain stopped.Drops of water mixed with sweat still travels on his body.He had a tough day, but learned the best lesson.From now on his knees will never touch the ground, at least not for anybody that don't deserve it.Dante found peace...


"So meet me by the bridge, meet me by the lane
When am I going to see that pretty face again
Meet me on the road, meet me where I said
Blame it all upon
A rush of blood to the head "

Sunrise

Sunt idiot.De mult prea putine ori am reusit sa nu fiu astfel.De mult prea putine ori am facut exact asa cum trebuia, si tot de atatea ori a contat, de data asta insa conteaza, iar eu trebuie sa imi urmaresc atent mintea, gura, sufletul.Am crezut ca fiind bun totul in jur devine bun.Nu.Orice ai face tot conteaza restul, tot conteaza ce, cum, unde si de ce.Pentru mine toate astea sunt relative.Tot ceea ce conteaza e ce vrem sa conteze.Stiu ca nu vreau sa fiu un urmaritor al multimii, stiu si sper ca sunt totusi, daca nu mai destept, cel putin mai deschis decat restul.
Am sarit.Si nu regret nici macar o secunda din tot ce s-a intamplat, ba mai mult imi felicit fiecare moment de curaj...da acele putine momente in care sunt altfel decat de obicei, si care sunt mai importante decat orice.Intr-o lume singura gasesc momente pline, momente linistitoare.Din nou, da!...sunt idiot, da...sunt aiurit, da, sunt cretin, dar din nou vreau sa merg mai departe, si asta am vrut mereu.Nu m-am gandit nici un moment sa fac rau, sau nu m-am gandit sa iasa prost, in nici un caz nu am vrut asta.Sa inteleg m-am priceput mereu foarte bine, insa partea proasta a venit la partea cu explicatii.Nu ma pricep deloc sa fiu inteles, si am avut intotdeauna nevoie de ajutor pentru a fi inteles asa cum am vrut sa fiu.Nu cer mila, nu cer ceva ce in mod normal nu ar veni, nu cer sa doi acolo unde unul e tot ce pot obtine, nici macar nu imi doresc sa ma tarasc pentru moneda de pe podea, vreau poate doar ca acea moneda sa fie impinsa un pic, sa ajunga in bataie soarelui si sa straluceasca.In umbra nimeni nu o vede, iar eu am nevoie de sclipirea ei, sunt indragostit de acel argintiu stralucitor, si nu as vrea sa intre niciodata din nou in umbra, pentru ca nu vreau sa ma mai trezesc.De data asta pot simti totul, si daca ar fi sa imi intorc viata la fel ca pe o clepsidra, nu as misca nimic.As lasa sa se puna praful pe ea, pentru ca pe partea asta ea arata mai bine, si asa imi doresc sa ramana mereu.Jumatatea goala este sus, si chiar daca pare ciudat, atunci cand a fost intoarsa a fost jos, nu a putut fi umpluta, dar cad de mult mi-am dorit sa fie asa? extraordinar de mult...night after night after night...
Vad lumina si sunt sigur ca nu e o iluzie, doar ca sunt satul de nori, de furtuna si de ploaie, chiar daca asta imi place cel mai mult.Imi doresc sa simt racoarea unei tristeti de vara, insa nu aici.Vreau ca acum sa ma ascund in coliba mea, in patul meu vechi, invelit in vechea patura uitata ravasita langa perna, doar ca nu vreau sa o fac singur.Nici nu ma gandesc sa ma las pierdut de lume...de fapt lumea nu conteaza...nu vreau sa ma las pierdut de tine, vreau sa visam si acum, si atunci.Vreau sa adorm acoperit de linistea ta, nestiind ce inseamna frigul.Vreau sa dispar, doar tu sa ma vezi....e de ajuns.



"Want to see you soon"

Light

Don't know what i should say....so many things this time went good...i really have no idea how to act...i was only used to react, to have the best things to say back, but to feel good? no way...I learned how to raise from my ash, but to raise from something better i was a novice.
I was used to question, first, i was firm, but then something changed me...something turned me into a stupid one...should i be rude? No way....why would i be rude whit the best thing that happened to me?....You don't know the hole story, nobody knows...hmmm....maybe God after all shows his ways=)), but we need to figure them out.
"It was night...the stars were up there, just like he wanted...the others made fun...He was the only lying, looking at what he thought it was the best thing in whole world...still, something reminded him about her...about how he wanted to say all those crazy things to her, but he couldn't...they weren't meant to be together now....but he still let the other go...he prayed that someday to be with her, and trade always for her".
I finally got the blow...it was hard and for couple of months I chased shadows which weren't mine, I was so stupid to believe that you could come home.I was awful stupid to think she is the one:))...and i tried...you couldn't see.
You finally came:)...I remember now all those prayers...I laugh...I am happy, i know that everything i ever wanted was you.Those stars were for you ..those trees were cleaned for you too;)).


"Don't go away cause I feel you this time
Don't go away cause I need you there this time"


"You're all that i want, you're all that i need:*"

Nightmare

He came home from an awful day at work, wanting to see her, to feel her hands wrapping around his head.He wanted to feel the love that he wanted from the way back to home.This day was a disaster...nothing went as he wanted.The meeting was canceled, and the pub where he used to relax with friends after work, was closed today.All that he needed was her affection.
The room was strangely clean, the chaos from the bed disappeared.Something was wrong....."Honey! where are you? I came home.Is the dinner ready?".Silence. No one answered.This looked so strange.It's the first time when at this hour, he was the first home.The fight from early morning came into his head.He can be so stubborn sometimes, but he loves her , and nothing can change this, and to apologize was a little hard now.He feels like she is to better for him, and tries so hard to be at the same step with her.Stupid things is his specialty.Forgetting things...his curse.This morning fight was about their first kiss.Like always she remember everything, and like always he forgets everything.She doesn't understand that he cares about her, and that he'll do anything for, but this is who he is, a stupid, giddy man.The hallway is empty, there they chase each other, where their silly little games starts, they both are children, other are pissed when they act this way, but Tom and his girlfriend don't give a damn.They enjoy themselves like that, and it's the only thing that counts...still, she was gone, and Tom cannot believe that she lost her.He remembered how in early days he got the guts to speak open to her, how she used to make his life lighter, and now, for a stupid morning fight she is gone.
"This time it seemed like a real thing, it was everything i've wanted, she was i dream came true, and now i don't want let her go.She is fun, and makes me happy, how could i be so stupid? How could i let myself sabotage this?She is the only one that make sense, and i let myself send her away"....................."Tom?"....He heard her.An arrow went this moment through his heart......."Tom?"..."Where are you dear"....No one answers..He always was so weak, but going nuts already?Come on..he was stronger than that.....
....."Tom! wake up now, it's eight o'clock, you'll be late for the meeting".Then he realized it all was a nightmare, a nightmare where he doesn't want to be back.He pulled her in bed, and hugged her like never, whispering, "I don't want you to go away, never"....."I'll never leave muddle-head, i'll be here with you forever, waking you up...."

5 AM

................................"And how could, anybody, deny you"...........................

To many ideas, few words to describe, fewer ways to explain.Few doubts, actually, none, many hopes, many dreams, lots of time to prepare.No regrets, why should it be?Seconds ago i had million of ways to start putting something good here, now I'm staring again at the walls.In last weeks i had more things like that than ever.I'm disappointed for my lack of getting trough, it's ok, again nothing bothers me now, so I'm going on with this shitty kind of expressing myself, and maybe sometime i will learn how to write something, when nothing bad happens, maybe i will learn to create from an smiling soul.
I realise that you couldn't came then, and even if I may hated this then, now i'm sure it's what had to happen.That blank horizon, it wasn't so interesting then, now what we need to do is wait for summer:)), now what started with that damn November, it seems that it have no ending, please snow...please go away.And this is only His fault, or Hers who knows.
I should sleep at this hour, but why should i waste time dreaming now? i have nothing more to dream for, all that my mind tried to force me to do, now it's done.Now all that i expect is that green grass, that clear green, without any mud, any snow, only a little dew.Those stars, my constellation could be seen again, on winter time, it's at home getting warm, just like everybody else, and once is good outside the corner will appear first, and then the entire form.In this ugly world can something better be real?In a world full of development, lights over lights, cars, stupid industry, can somebody else see the green?Are you seeing the green?I hope you do, actually i'm am sure that you do, that's why i like you so much:).

"In a world of hate, i feel safe next to you"

Sparks

In a dark corner, a flash appears.The room is whiter now.He goes near that glow, and stretches his hand to touch it.The aura absorbs and transport him trough a tunnel of memories, deceptions, and few happy moments.He stops to one memory...laugh, and goes further feeling safe, Cerber cannot make harm anymore.He had the guts to fight against that evil soul without thinking at the consequences, but now he isn't forced to make this kind of decision anymore, again, he is safe, his mind has only few concerns, but nothing serious.

"And i will try......to fix you"

At the end of that tunnel, a world like he always wanted, a world without any harm, or lie, or smoke.A world were we don't need to develop, we are exactly how we want to be, and nothing needs to be changed.Here i am a better person, because i know that i make lots of mistakes outside, here i don't feel tired, and my dreams have always happy endings.I am not worried at all though, because at least one dream hasn't ended badly, it just went for a break at a time, but like all the breaks, it came back to its natural course.

"I had to find you....Tell you i need you...Tell you i set you apart.."


But he couldn't stay forever there, because his place wasn't there, he belongs in that small room, where nothing ever happens, where is always cold, and here where his heart frozen.He turned into his simple life, rusty chair, old pen, hard pillow, cracked walls, and few beers.He needed something, a snap from those ghosts....Between his troubled thoughts, he hears something.Somebody knocks at the door.Nobody was expected, and he was surprised to think that someone could remember his dim eyes.With a small hesitation, he opened the door..............It was her, he couldn't believe his eyes....She was here, instead of passing by, she stopped at his cottage.Words remained trapped in his mouth as his mind struggled to understand how a good thing can happen after all, but it wasn't time to waste with silly thought now, and he barely got the power to say Hy...

- Hy, she answered.
- What are you doing?
- I'm here..
- But why?
- Because it needed somebody with courage...
- I'm sorry because i've waited all this time.
- It doesn't matter, I'm here now.

Lady Luck turned his face around when she was needed the most...Now it was up to him.


"I don't wanna die....on my own here tonight"

Easy sleep

Din cate stiu, noaptea e cel mai clar moment al zilei...cel in care gandurile pot alerga simgure fara a fi cenzurate de nimic.Noaptea iti dai seama ce, cum si de ce.Incerc de ceva minute sa imi fac ordine in cap, si tocmai acum imi dau seama.In capul meu era deja ordine, nu era nevoie sa imi storc mintea pentru a realiza ceva ce stiam, dar nu constientizam.Posturile devin din ce in mai gri, acoperite de ceata,revenite mai tarziu intr-o atmosfera simpla, clara, plina de soare.
Cine sunt? o simpla persoana ce isi doreste sa devine ceva mai bun, dar care insa nu a ajuns la stadiul ala, care nu vrea sa dezamageasca si care isi doreste la stadiul in care nimic sa nu mai conteze.Ce vreau? Nimic mai mult.Ai creat imaginea pe care o visam de atunci, dar ce vreau mai mult decat asta e sa pot sa merg mai departe de vis, de imagine.M-am saturat sa visez si sa ramai aici.Cu tine pot ajunge mult mai departe...esti una din putinele persoane cu care pot sa merg acolo unde vreau...pe celelalte inca nu le-am cunoscut, si in momentul asta nu imi doresc sa le cunosc.Cum am mai spus cred ca am ajuns sa imi placa starea de autocompatimire...atat de mult incat am uitat cum e sa iti indeplinesti visele.Acum ceva timp visam multe lucruri, putine dintre ele s-au transformat in praf, insa persoanele de pe scari tocmai acum au gasit curaj pentru a vorbi deschis.
Nu sunt perfect...sunt uituc....cred ca cel mai uituc dintre toti pe care ii cunosti,aiurit cat cuprinde, cateodata plictisitor, cateodata prea activ, visez mult, timp liber exagerat, dar asta cred ca e un plus.Daca tu nu ai timp, pot compensa eu cu timpul meu;))...Distanta? habar nu am ce e...sunt la o pana departare de tine........................................................................................................................................................

Fix you? I swear i'll try my best, but first i need you to understand that i cannot do this on my own.I need you to let yourself be fixed.I need you to open, to let your hand be held in my dreamy grassy field.I want you to forgive, because i may make mistakes sometimes.I hope you understand that i am not the perfect guy in this world, but i can be the one, i really want to be.
I follow you green shadow into the depth of the wood.There only savage animals are nearby...but they leave us alone...they understand.I'm looking for a second back, nothing good to see, and everything to left behind..I turn my head to you, your green meets my brown,and now i know, all i've wanted is here, and all i'm wanting is you.

Open

Din nou e o noapte pustie, de data asta insa diferit, incerc acum sa fac ceva ce nu mi-a reusit pana acum.Nu am nimic de scos afara...nimic de reprosat sau de invinovatit, nimic de urat, de lasat in spate, in noaptea asta e totul de privit in fata.Astazi stiu ca sunt ascultat, si inteles, si e un sentiment ciudat.Stiu ca nu ma chinui degeaba.Stiu ca in sfarsit in spate acolo esti tu.Pentru prima data insa, habar nu am cum sa ma port, cum sa fiu, dar cel mai important e ca nu stiu cum ma vrei.Ma bucur pentru ca in sfarsit in doresc sa fiu intr-un fel...ca imi pasa de altceva si ca pot fi mai atent.
Perfect nu sunt in nici un caz, dar sunt unul din cei care isi doresc asta.In sfarsit simt ca cineva si-a intors fata.Dumnezeu? ;))...habar nu am, nu cred, pentru ca daca m-ar vedea cu siguranta as fi pedepsit pe vecie pentru lipsa mea de bun-simt.
Incerc degeaba sa scriu ceva caresa aiba rost, acum cand totul din jur pare sa aiba sens, aici totul e invers.Gandurile nu mai bat cu disperare sa iasa, pentru ca vor sa fie alaturi de mine si vor sa vada deznodamantul, nu am nimic acru de dat afara.
Realizez ca nu sunt persoana care sa isi doreasca treapta intai, si asta nu e bine, dar ma pot multumi si cu medalia de argint, pentru ca asa cum spuneam inainte argintul meu e mult mai bun decat aurul vostru.Argintul are o culoare mult mai frumoasa decat aurul..Cu siguranta ca mi-as dori sa fiu cel mai bun, dar nu in conditiile astea.As vrea sa fiu eroul tuturor, insa intai de toate acestea doresc sa fiu eroul meu, pentru ca am zabovit prea mult incercand sa fac pe plac,si am uitat sa ma multumesc pe mine.

.....................................................................................................................................................

Finally I can stay by your side, we can sit next to each other.My nightmare became a dream from which i don't want to escape.Now we can lay down and forget everything.I can dream with my eyes open, and i know we live in a world were people like us hardly find their places, but i am here, and you are here too, together we can forget about this ugly environment.That small cottage is nearer than ever, and now i believe that i really can feel that rain on my skin.
I may not be as good as before, and now i may find my words harder, but if i will be forced to take a decision, i would chose to struggle with my words, but to be happy outside.After all what i want is that heavenly corner of the world.........with you.





"Pentru ca eu stiu ca ea te-a ajutat mult"